9 May 2017
My heart is pounding, I feel flustered, I’m swallowed by anxiety and drowning in desperation, my breathing is rapid, I’m struggling to open my eyes. Surrounded in stillness I gaze into the darkness, my eyes now open pooling with tears, my breath calms as I become fully awake, I realize it was just a nightmare as my mind flips through the scenes, I feel it on a whole other level, this time more real, as my heart begins to ache.
Continue reading “Journal Entry – Struggle”
5 May 2017
The curtains come down and the mic has been dropped, lights switched of and the seats been emptied. In the darkness, the silence is profound, this show is far from over.
Today I had a meltdown Continue reading “Journal Entry – Lost”
28 April 2017
I didn’t sleep well last night, my mind possessed by thoughts of the past years journey. Images of incredible moments, some swaddled in pain and others swollen with pride. So many diverse emotions, some feelings of utter helplessness and others feelings of deep appreciation. Much I thought I knew, reshaped, released or reviewed.
Just fleeting moments in the average life, Continue reading “Journal Entry – Fleeting moments”
19 April 2017
This is all so frustrating. I feel so powerless. Trying to navigate through a system with no structure, to find answers to questions I don’t know, to find a normal where there’s no parameters, feeling helpless and isolated in a crowded world.
Continue reading “Journal Entry -Frustration “
That day on the 3rd of May.
What are the odds.
It’s hard to believe we have Dylan’s three month check up coming up, exactly a year after his first visit to the doctor, with symptoms of headaches and vomiting, really thinking nothing serious was wrong. The first thing the doctor had said when seeing Dylan was “maybe his fringe is too long” , you know maybe his hair was in his face making him get headaches….. Boy was that far from the reality.
Continue reading “Time”
Just a quick update. The time just seems to fly by.
Three months ago, Dylan still in hospital having transfusions, on TPN feeds, still
struggling to recover from chemotherapy and my dad dying, it was quite a horrendous time. Continue reading “Life”
Six months ago, brain surgery had been done and dusted, 30 sessions of radiation had been completed and this was the time to recover and to prep for chemotherapy. Continue reading “Another Layer”
They tell you that it’s a few weeks break in between treatment. However it’s not really a break. During this time Dylan required a number of test and procedures, including two separate surgeries, one being insertion of a double port and the other being the insertion of a PEG (Percutaneous Endoscopic Gastrostomy) – an abdominal feeding tube.
Our lift patiently waited for us while Dylan finished vomiting this morning. He was that determined to go to RELAY FOR LIFE. It was a very last minute decision, yesterday a friend called me and told me all about it, I mentioned it to Dylan and he was keen, pending how he felt that morning. So with no real plans and not much knowledge of what we were really getting ourselves into we jumped in, and I’m so glad we did.
We did end up staying a little longer than planned, originally it was only for the first lap, but we met some great people, and were enjoying the fresh air and the awesome atmosphere that comes with being surrounded by groups with the same mission, and Dylan even got to enjoy a couple of laps in a wheelchair with Lara.
Continue reading “I couldn’t be prouder”
Last night as I held the vomit bag in front of Dylan’s mouth, tissues in my other hand, simultaneously cradling his head on my belly, for the second time that day, I thought about the vast contrasts in this journey. He is better yet still sick. In fact he is in worse shape than he was a year ago, and if truth be told a year ago if left untreated he would of most likely been dead today, if not dead most definitely been in a much worse reality.
My heart aches with the paradox of this journey. Continue reading “11 March 2017 – a moment of pondering”
“It’s been an honor Dad.
Today we are Celebrating a life well lived
He was loud
Funny and friendly
He was so loved
And he will be very fondly remembered.
Generous, a joker and so helpful, he accepted you as is ……”
Continue reading “A life to remember – Dad”