Sometimes it’s not the message but the way it is delivered that is painful.
So as you may know not all tumors are malignant (cancer), so when you have a tumor removed it is tested to see whether or not it is malignant. Obviously the results dictate much of how your forward journey into treatment will unfold. In my view, the way this news, your results are delivered to you is pretty important. Continue reading “Shoot the Messenger”
What wrong with this …. The stereotypes
Picture a sweetly smiling child, with a little twinkle in her eye, some colour on her cheeks and a beautifully shaped bald head. That’s the image of a child who has had treatment for cancer, and it doesn’t look bad, but it is what it is … An image, just a snapshot, possibly edited for visual effects. Continue reading “Childhood Cancer – Many Faces”
16 May 2017
Wide eyed and rapid breath, backed up into a corner. Like an animal trapped fearing for its life, that’s what I’ve been feeling like. I woke up this morning to an answer, finally. It’s been fear that’s been my constant companion, lurking in the shadows, unseen and unheard, but leading my every thought, feeling and decision. Continue reading “Journal Entry – Fear”
9 May 2017
My heart is pounding, I feel flustered, I’m swallowed by anxiety and drowning in desperation, my breathing is rapid, I’m struggling to open my eyes. Surrounded in stillness I gaze into the darkness, my eyes now open pooling with tears, my breath calms as I become fully awake, I realize it was just a nightmare as my mind flips through the scenes, I feel it on a whole other level, this time more real, as my heart begins to ache.
Continue reading “Journal Entry – Struggle”
5 May 2017
The curtains come down and the mic has been dropped, lights switched of and the seats been emptied. In the darkness, the silence is profound, this show is far from over.
Today I had a meltdown Continue reading “Journal Entry – Lost”
28 April 2017
I didn’t sleep well last night, my mind possessed by thoughts of the past years journey. Images of incredible moments, some swaddled in pain and others swollen with pride. So many diverse emotions, some feelings of utter helplessness and others feelings of deep appreciation. Much I thought I knew, reshaped, released or reviewed.
Just fleeting moments in the average life, Continue reading “Journal Entry – Fleeting moments”
19 April 2017
This is all so frustrating. I feel so powerless. Trying to navigate through a system with no structure, to find answers to questions I don’t know, to find a normal where there’s no parameters, feeling helpless and isolated in a crowded world.
Continue reading “Journal Entry -Frustration “
Hate is such a strong word … One I don’t like to use … But seriously … I absolutely hate that my normal is supporting my son while he vomits, I hate that he is so critically thin, that the treatments I sign him up for damage parts of his delicate body, I hate that I am so helpless and I hate that I am angry.
I am so exhausted.
I hate feeling this aching in my chest.
Fuck cancer !
I love being honest.